He knows your identity: For starters, Santa knows who you are. When constructing his list of good and bad children, he obviously has to know your name. He would have to know how old you are so he can deliver an age appropriate gift, and also where you live.
He knows what you do: Santa delivers gifts based on how good you are throughout the year. He is always watching you. Do not think you can hide what you do from Santa, he is going to find out. He knows when you hit your brother, steal a pack of gum, or color on the wall. He keeps track of everything you do on his list [next to your name].
He knows your sleeping patterns: He sees you when you are sleeping. He knows when you are awake. This goes hand in hand with knowing what you do, but on a creepier level. He knows if you are sound asleep in your bed, or sitting up with insomnia. Maybe he sends elves out to keep track of your consciousness status, but still. Ultimately, Santa knows your sleep patterns.
He sneaks into your house: This particular stalkerish act that Santa partakes in makes me thankful for our gas fireplace. We do not have a chimney for him to get down. But, what do parents tell their children who have gas fireplaces? Do they tell them Santa can still get in? Because that would honestly creep me out if I was a kid. "Don't worry Junior, Santa will find a way to get in the house. He will check your bed to make sure you are asleep, and then leave your presents under the tree."
He likes kids: Maybe this is taking the whole stalker thing a bit far, but letting kids sit on Santa's lap seems like a pretty weird tradition for him to start. That is all I am going to say about that.
So basically, Santa Claus is like, the ultimate stalker. Maybe the first line in that song says it all.. "You better watch out." Kids, hide. Adults, you should hide as well. Santa Claus is coming to town. The end.
